reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I supernannyed him into submission
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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