***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
