Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize