cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
