You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
