that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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