my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
