Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
My brain says no but my pants say off.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
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