Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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