I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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