Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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