So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
