I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Two words: nipple clamps
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