Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
