Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
love makes seman taste better
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
