Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
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I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
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I won't apologize to a one balled man
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
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