so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
