you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
