its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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