You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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