you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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