Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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