But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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