At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
