Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
