I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
