He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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