Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
