Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
