she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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