either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Randomize
