Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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