If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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