A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
