I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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