I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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