just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
organizing the empties. That sober.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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