We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
