the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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