my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
