I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
look no pants
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
