It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
