What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Someone signed my nipple.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
