Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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