I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
