OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
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She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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