i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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