he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
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She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
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I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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