Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
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He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
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We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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