Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
