This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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