eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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