I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
