If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
