Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
