Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
