Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
