it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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