he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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