Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
