I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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