I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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