did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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