I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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