yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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