i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
