I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
