is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
