I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
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I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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