Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
