Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
