also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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