and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
