So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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