i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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