actually, I'm a sock model
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
