brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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