someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
