nut hugger
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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